Oh....

...and-tomorrow-I-get-to-have-Sneezer-back-from-camp!!!Yay!!

School

So-I-am-going-back-to-school-in-the-fall-to-go-into-teaching-and-I-just-dropped-off-a-form-at-the-school-again-for-financial-aid.-Why-are-they-so-anal-about-those-things?-They-wouldn't-process-my-financial-aid-app.-b/c-we-didn't-sign-the-copy-of-our-tax-forms.-Stupid.-Like-the-signatures-change-any-of-the-numbers.
Now-I-am-nervous,-I-really-don't-want-to-pay-for-a-quarter-on-our-CC.-I-hope-I-am-approved-and-get-a-grant.-I-even-signed-up-for-work-study.-There-is-an-opening-at-the-kids-school-for-that-so-if-I-am-approved-for-FA,-then-it-is-possible-that_I-can-do-my-WS-there.-Let's-hope-everything-works-out!

Camp

Wow!_it-has-been-a-while-since-I-wrote-here!_as-you-can-see-my-keyboard-is-wonky.My-oldest-son-spilled-water-on-the-keyboard-and-several-keys-don't-work,-including-the-spacebar.Lovely!!-well-I-think-the-last-time-I-wrote-was-right-before-I-started-working-at-the-school-everyday.-well-now-is-summer-break-and-usually-Sneezer-is-on-the-computer-all-day,-But-she-is-at-camp.-2-more-days-and-she-will-be-home.-I-dont-think-I-ever-want-her-to-leave-for-this-long-again.-One-week-w/o-her-is-a-long-time!!-I-can't-imagine-what-I-will-be-like-when-she-goes-to-college-or-moves-out.-But-at-least-then-I-can-call-her.-They-dont-allow-cell-phones-or-phone-calls-at-camp.-Crazy!!-But-my-cell-phone-lost-service-out-there-so-that-wouldn't-really-matter-if-she-did-have-one.

there-was-one-mom-there-that-had-2-kids-going-to-camp. How-do-they-do-it? I-guess-if-I-had-two-there-at-least-I-would-know-that-they-had-each-other-there. IDK?

Well-2-more-days.-saturday-can-not-come-soon-enough!!

Update

Still no clue what the raid was about??

Jesmin came home last night!! Yay. But Lucas is still getting friendly with the neighbor's cat.

Bought several bushes to go along the fence by the alley. Hopefully we will get a little more privacy from these. Still need to get more. I took pictures but will have to upload later.

Last night I was standing in my kitchen making dinner. I went to put something in the sink and I see this man standing in the back alley. At first I thought it was my neighbor and then I saw that he had a gun. So I thinking WTF? So I tell the kids to stay down and stay away from the windows. When the guy turned I could see that his shirt said 'POLICE' on it. He ran through my neighbors yard and so I moved to the front of the house and looked out the front window. He looked around a bit, under cars and the RV and then step out into the street and gave a hand signal to someone up the street. He then went back through the neighbors yard and so we went back to the kitchen. By this time I am trying to call/email, anything to get my neighbors attention to let her know that there is police in her back yard. But she was not answering. So I tell the kids to stay in he house and I go over and knock on her door. She was in the shower. But I told her daughter that there were police in the back of her house. Then she went and told her mom and I went back to my house. I called my husband and told him that there police all around the house behind us and shortly after that he came home. We watched, from the kitchen, as they searched the house and arrested 4-5 people who may or may not have lived at that house. I dont know why they were there. They were not DEA, but I did see a sheriff. I have not heard anything on the news about it so I really don't know what the raid was about.

In other news, Two of my cats got out. The baby, Jesmin and Lucas, the boy. I am not to worried about Lucas b/c I see him roaming in the neighbors yard. But Jesmin, I have not seen anywhere. I am so sad now. If I could just see her somewhere and know she is okay, that would cheer me a little, but I really think someone has taken her.

The meadow

Something we learned from the rides on the monorail is that "Las Vegas" means "the meadow" in Spanish!! Boy did they get that wrong!!

The only fun thing we did was ride the roller coaster at the NY NY hotel. Something that I will never do again, but I am glad that I can say that I did it!! I need to upload the photos to show you what this ride looks like!!

We were there for the pizza convention and seminars that lasted most of the day. (9-6) We went to dinner afterwards and then to bed by midnight!! exciting huh? That was Wednesday. Tuesday our flight got in about 2'ish and we unpacked our clothes and then went to lunch. We went to the Rainforest Cafe.( I hear there is one in Seattle so we will have to take the kids there when we go in June.) I thought we were JUST going to eat lunch so I wore heels!! Nope, big mistake. We walked around A LOT!! I had blisters on my toes. It was not so much from all the walking, but the pace that Lee, Seth's boss, was walking. I swear he walks like his ass is on fire!! So we went back up to our room before dinner and I changed into some capri's and better shoes. (flip flops) We went to this very expensive Italian restaurant called Trevi's. Our table was not ready yet so we waited at the bar. I decided to try a Mint Mojito. I figured I like the gum, I might like the drink. So we are chatting and then about a few minutes later our drinks come. He hands me mine first and I go to reach for it and then suddenly, (slow motion), it comes flying at me. There was no where for me to go to avoid this, so I was soaked completely from the crotch down to my shoes!! Seth mentioned that I should go to the restroom. This might have been a good idea if there should be a blow dryer in there, but the thought of walking through the restaurant looking as though I had urinated on myself was not appealing. So I opted to stay at my seat and "air" dry. I did not want to draw any more attention to myself than I already did. The manager offered to pay for the dry cleaning, but I was not staying in Vegas that long and it was really no problem at all, just a bit uncomfortable and embarrassing.

***HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! ***

So he bought our drinks and gave us some appetizers. I realize that I could have gotten more out of that, but I was with someone who throws money around like it was nothing and so I was following his lead in how to handle this. If he felt that we should complain then that was up to him, after all he was paying for all of it.

Thursday we woke up early and got some pictures of the sights around there and did a little shopping. Then met up with Lee again for some lunch and to get to the airport.

BTW, don't ever let me order an apple martini. WOW!! That thing got me drunk in about 10 minutes and only half the glass!! I started going on a spending spree in a Star Trek gift shop. Yeah!! (I bought a Trebble, Seth got mad that I called it a furry thing. I was drunk and forgot the name.)

Anyway that is my trip in a nutshell.

There IS something in the water.

Everyone knows that when you have pills that have expired or ones that you just don't need anymore, you don't throw them away in the garbage. You put them down the toilet. Well now it seems as though all those drugs are coming back to us in our tap water. Interesting. Yet another reason to buy bottled water? But I wonder if those companies that just filter the tap water and then resell it, are filtering out the drugs as well?

If you would like to read more about this you can go here .http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23504467/

4 day weekend

I went to the school early yesterday. Not intentionally, it just happened that way. Me and Sho-sho ate lunch at Rocky's so we just headed to CJ's classroom instead of eating lunch at the school. Sho-sho likes to be a 1st grader for part of her day, so she went at sat with the other kids while Mrs. B, the sub, taught a lesson. Mrs. J was still there and it was so nice to see her. She said she had an ultrasound yesterday and the tech. slipped and said "he" when referring to one of the babies. I told her that I have never known the pencil test to be wrong and it said she was having a boy and a girl. Sho-sho's teacher, Mrs. K, came in and joined the conversation and she has heard of the pencil test too. She said that all of her cousins had done it and so far it has been right about their kids. I have never known it to be wrong, but I guess we will find out for sure in May. Oh and she told us the names that they were thinking of, I can't remember all of them, but one for a girl was Avery. I think that sounds so cute for a little girl.

In other news. We had a horrible virus in our computer that has been linked back to a page that the kids played on. Don't know if it is from a banner that is on that page or if it is from the page itself, but we have it all cleaned out and so far no problems.

I was alone with the kids for this past 4 day weekend. Friday, Sneezer had rehearsals then after that we went shopping for some crafts that they can work on while we are at home. We didn't really find anything that the kids could all do. Most things are focused on one sex or the other. So we got play dough. Seemed like a good idea, til they started fighting over colors. The play dough has now been put up til they can show me that they can handle playing with it.

Saturday we went and saw Spider*wick's with my mom and youngest brother. I really liked the movie, but still like the books more. I realize that they could not have kept everything in the movie and have it be under 2 hours, but I think they did a fair job. They changed things a bit, but I guess they needed to do that to make the movie work.

Sunday we stayed home. I had no desire to take the kids anywhere. Hubby came home in the early evening.
Monday was another rehearsal and we got to see everyone in costume. Sneezer looks very scrawny in her costume. She is just such a toothpick.

And then we are back to Tuesday. Oh! there was a meteor early in the morning. I did not see it first hand, but I think I heard it. Something made me wake up suddenly. I heard a loud booming noise and woke up suddenly.

Later in the afternoon, we ran into Mrs. J at the grocery store. She was at the Dr. just before that and said everything was looking good. It was funny seeing her at the store and not having CJ trying to hide behind me while I was talking with her. It was strange seeing her there b/c I thought she said that she lived farther up north, so I don't know why she was at our store.

Anyway, there is an update on things here.

Was yesterday Friday?

Yes I know it was Wednesday, but with the things went, it should have been Friday.

Yesterday was suppose to go like this.
9 am - kids to school, hubby to work.
12pm - Sho-sho on bus and back home to meet hubby who left work at this time.
12:30- lunch date with hubby and some shopping fun!
3:00 - pick up kids from school.
5:30- pick up pizzas for family fun party at school.
6-7 pm - family fun party. Make a fun craft and eat pizzas.
7-8 pm - PTG meeting. (would have been my first one)
after that go home and watch the rest of Across the Un*verse and go to bed.

But according to MURPHEY!! this is how things really went.

9am - kids got to school, hubby got to work.
11am- hubby calls and says one of his employees sprained his back and he can't make our lunch date.
12pm- walked to sho-sho's bus. Bus drove by us and I thought we were early and that it would come back so we continue to the bus stop.(The bus normally drops the morning kids off, goes down the hill and then comes back up to pick up afternoon kids.) Other mom at the bus stop got her son on the bus and then freaked when the bus did not stop for us. She calls 911 with my cell and reports this bus. Bus never comes back to get Sho-sho. I call the school and then the transportation dept.. School has no sign of the bus, but transportation says bus is 5 minutes from school and will come back in 10 minutes to get Sho-sho. (No thanks! I can walk to the school faster than that.) so we walked to the school.
1pm- got back from the school, made some lunch, and dropped most of it on the floor. Dogs had a good lunch!!
1:30- started to watch movie.
2:30- hubby gets home from work. No time to do anything but sit and watch movie.
2:45- go to pick up kids.
3:15- restart movie
5:15- leave to get pizzas , did not watch last 15 minutes of movie.
5:30- pick up pizzas, spill pop in driver's seat, and sit in it!!!! Good times!
5:45 - go home to change pants. I get out of the car and hear air bubbles coming off back tire!! WONDERFUL!!
5:50- Traffic up the butt on Division, impossible to cross. Had to drive 4 blocks up to stoplight just to get across.
6:10- get to school. all the cupcakes are taken and just in the time for me to say"Hi" to Mrs. J, all the Rocky's pizza's are taken.
6:45- finished craft and pizza and opted to leave. Called hubby to tell him about the tire and he asks what did I run over? (Who knows? there is so much crap on the street and the city has run out of funds to clean the streets.)
7- get home and found there is nothing good to eat at home. so went and ate mcbarfo's.
7:20- home again. Turned on movie and completely hated this day
9pm- forced kids to go to bed. Lights out no tv. Just bed.

This morning we woke up and hubby put the fix a flat stuff in wrong tire last night. Thank goodness he bought 2 cans!! Then put it in the right tire.

Today? So far so good. I just hope this day goes better than yesterday. Oh and did I mention that I am home alone with the kids this weekend and now with limited car use. Happy times!!

Busy week

Things have been so busy this past week. I was running all over the place on Friday. I started the day going to the store to get last minute things for CJs 7th b-day party. When I got home, I had an email from another mom that also has a child in the play that Sneezer is in, asking me to bring snack. So that was on my list of things to do before I got to the school that day. Then, while putting together goody bags for the party, Sneezer calls saying she needs money for her v-day party at school. Alright so now I have to go to the store and then get to the school early to get money to Sneezer. Then seconds after that call, I get another call that is hubby calling to ask me to pick up his prescriptions and bring them to him for his tooth. Alright!! So much for a shower!

So I got hubby's meds, dropped them off downtown and then came back up north to get to the store to get snacks for the kids in the play, and then over to the school to get money to Sneezer before helping out in CJ's class. On the way to CJ's class, I find that there is a sub. I, being the person I am, thought the worst and that something had happened to Mrs. J's babies. Well I was close. She was having contractions and her Doc. has put her on partial bedrest. So she works in the mornings and has a sub in the afternoon. The sub is awesome and still wants me to come in a help, so no stay at home boredom for me, Yay!! On this day the class was scheduled to watch a movie, so I asked Sho-sho's teacher if she would like some help and she did, so I helped out in her classroom.

I should point out here that b/c of my volunteering at the school I have finally made up my mind as to what I want to do with my life. I am going to go into the teaching program at the community college. I can credit Mrs. J for that. I kind of always wanted to be a elem. school teacher and with Mrs. J giving me the oppurtunity to help in the class, I want to do that even more now. I know it is about4-6 years of schooling, but I really want to do this!

So now here we are this week. I went and helped out in CJ's classroom yesterday and will continue to do so for as long as the sub wants me to.

Today me and hubby are going out for lunch for our V-day date. He has to work tomorrow and I will be at the school and then this weekend he has to go out of town, so today was the only time to have our v-day. Tonight there is a family night at the school that we are going to, minus hubby. He had plans with friends before we made plans for family night. Then tomorrow is V-day parties that I will be helping out with. Friday Sneezer has rehearsals and there is no school. The kids have a 4 day weekend! So it is just me and them. Any suggestion on something fun and inexpensive that we could do?

Snow days!!

First off, in case you haven't noticed, I didn't end up setting this blog to private. It is a good thing that I didn't. The most amazing thing happened! From my blog about my neighbor that had passed, his son found me and emailed me and I got to know more about him and he got to see another side of his dad! It was such a blessing!!

On to news about the kids. Such a busy month this month. Hubby has a infection in a tooth and was just miserable for the last few weeks until the meds. kicked in. He is doing better now and his face is not so swollen.

The last week of January a bad snow storm hit us dropping a couple of feet of snow in just two days. Roads were so bad that school buses were unable to drive on the side streets causing them to cancel school. On that Monday, we hung out at home and absorbed the miracle that the school's superintendent finally got their head out of their ass and canceled school. There was just no way that I was going to drive anywhere in that crap. Roofs were collapsing and so many car accidents. Just wasn't worth my life to get the kids to school!

Tuesday we made plans to go sledding at a nearby park with some friends of the kids. But they were cancelled because the other mom felt it was too cold to be outside. Wednesday was a better day for that. So we met them at the park and the kids were having loads of fun. Then my older daughter was having difficulty mounting her sled off the starting ramp that was made by someone the was there prior to us. I opted to demonstrate how she should mount it.

BIG MISTAKE!!

I got on the sled and went down ths hill. First bump was good, but turned me around. Second bump I got alot of air and was sitting way wrong on the board and when I came down I heard it.

CRUNCH!!

My knew I broke something in my lower back or tailbone. I got up and walked back up the hill, thinking the pain would subside and I would just be sore. But then everything went white. I could only lay on the ground in the snow. I knew I did something really bad and I just knew that I needed to get home. Everytime I stood up, everything would go white, but I had to get these kids home and get home myself. I had my four kids and 2 other kids that the other mom had dropped off and was not coming back to pick them up for another hour or so. We made it home and I called hubby and he came home to get me to the hospital. I called my mom to have her come watch the kids, but then later in the day opted not to go. I was more than certain that it was my tailbone that I had broken and there was nothing that anyone could do for a broken tailbone, I just needed to rest it. I was in total pain and just really did not want to move.

Now, 2 weeks later, I am able to sit in a chair. It still hurts to bend and get back up from sitting, but I am getting better.

The kids had no school for the rest of the week, which was the best thing that could have happened for me, seeing how I would not have been able to get them to school.

But now I have learned my lesson that I am too old to go sledding!!!

Dreams...

Okay I have to share this. The other day I had a dream. It was one of those dreams that are just so weird and so much happens that you cannot forget about it. So here is my dream that I had about a week or so ago...

My dream, from what I remember, starts with my husband telling me that he was going to his dad's for thanksgiving and only he was invited. ( So I assume that this takes place around Thanksgiving). I was furious with this. So I am yelling at him as to why he can only go. He says that they need him to come and cut the turkey. That he is only going there to cut the turkey. So I am like "WTH? Why do they need you to come and cut the turkey? Why can't they do it themselves?" and he says that he was also cooking the turkey at our house out on the grill! ( I know! The grill?) So at this point I look up out the window and suddenly realize that I am at my great grandmother's ranch and in her house. Her house was my house. The only difference was that there was a lake where the cows in the field should be.

Let me describe this house. it is large for one thing. they had a balcony that came out from the 2nd floor livingroom and it stretched the length of the house. From here you could see out into the fields where the cows roamed. Behind the house there were acres of forest. There are sliding glass doors that lead to the balcony.

So then we walk outside and I see that there is a turkey on the BBQ grill. Then suddenly there are two bears on our porch. One Black and one brown. The Brown one, which appears to be a grizzly bear, smacks my husband across his head and knocks him out. I am desperate to get him in to the house when the black bear takes a swipe at me and his claws gets stuck in my shirt. I somehow broke the bears claw and that bear goes running off the porch, yelping. But the brown bear is determined to have my husband and drags him off the steps that lead down off the porch to the ground. Unable to do anything I quickly run into the house, yelling at the kids to stay inside and away from the doors and windows and grabbing the phone to dial 911. Suddenly some how my father in law and my mom are there. I don't know if they were already there or if they just got there. I think my mom just showed up, b/c I had one of the kids try and call her on the cell phone, but she had already gotten there.

This is were my dream gets weird. Somehow I was able to rewind it and change the outcome. I rewinded to right after the brown bear knocks hubby out and the black bear swipes at me and I break its claw and then it goes running. Then this time I took the turkey and threw it down off the porch, figuring that this is what the bears were after. Pulled hubby into the house and dialed 911. Oldest child tells me that my ear is bleeding and I show her the claw from the bear. Hubby comes to and tells me to "get the gun." (we don't currently own a gun, but OK) So I find this rifle looking thing and start shooting at the bears. I got the black bear and it drops with one hit, but the brown bear took a lot of shots to finally get it down.

Then I wake up. So this dream has stuck with me and I am very curious what my dream is trying to tell me.

According to this dream guide. Black means unhappiness. Fighting or killing a bear means I will beat my enemies. Brown means money/luck, though another one said illness.

so this is my take on it. You all know that me and hubby and had rough patches. Some days we just don't get along, but for the most part we do. I think when the bear attacked and took him, I think that was me letting him go and trying to focus on me. But then in the second part of my dream when I changed that outcome, I think that was telling me that I still want him around and I don't want him to go. The fact that hubby got hit in the head and was knocked out. I think it had to do with his mouth or head, health wise. B/c get this. I did not know my hubby was in pain and I found out on Sat. that he was having horrible tooth pain. He went to the dentist on Tues. and scheduled an appt. for a root canal. One that he needed for sometime now. It was so bad that it spread to the surrounding teeth. Last Saturday I was telling hubby about a show I watched where the lady did autopsies an one of the people she did one on was very healthy and athletic and young and just died one day. It started out like the flu and then he just collapse one day and died before the ambulance arrived. She later found out that he died from an abscess in his tooth that needed a root canal. The infection spread to his blood and basically he died from an infected tooth. Blood poisoning.

I don't know what the rest of my dream means, but this part makes sense to me now.

Please tell me what you think.

Nothin left to loose

OK this was taken from Seattlegal and sounded like fun. I have done one before on another blog that did songs for the story of your life, but here is one that is a little different.

Directions:1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, iPod etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS


1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? 1985- Bowling for soup

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF? Suddenly- Ashley Tisdale

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? Ice Ice baby - Vanila Ice

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Fat bottomed girls - Queen

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? Stand By me - Ben E. King

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?Calling all angels - Train

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Thriller - Michael Jackson

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Kickstart my heart - Motley crue

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Someday - Nickelback

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2? Trouble - Pink

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR EX? Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Why?- Gabrielle

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? What a wonderful world - Louis Armstrong

14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? This ain't a scene, it's an arms race - Fallout Boy

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Broken - Seether feat. Amy Lee

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? SEXYBACK - Justin Timberlake ;P

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? New Slang - The Shins

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? In The End - Linkin Park

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Lonely - Akon

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? True friend - Hannah Montana

Now press Next one more time and use it as your title.

Title song by Matt Kearney


Suprisingly I did this exactly as directed and this was the results. Some of the songs are sneezers. ( we share the itunes)

Christmas break

Christmas break started on Dec. 19th. On Dec. 20th we went to our first Christmas party for this year. This was a white elephant party that was so much fun. Sneezer left with a Chia* pet and Hubby got a gift card to star*bucks. I left with a gift that I brought, but seeing how we brought 3, and there was only 8 people, I guess that was bound to happen. I brought a handheld digital poker game.

Dec. 22 was our second Christmas party. It was at my grandmother in law's house. This party is a big thing every year. Cousins, along with all of hubby's siblings, are there. There were a few emotional times when we realized that Matthew was not coming. He always showed up late, so we just ate our dinner and usually when we are done eating is when he shows up. But he was not there this year. One of my nieces fell down and hurt her ear badly. It was not too bad, but when you are 11, it is painful. Another niece made and comment, " something was bound to happen!" she is 7. I chuckle a little that such grown up words were coming out of her mouth, but the mother and the mother's sister got into an argument on how inappropriate it was for her to say it. I left that conversation quickly. I did not need to get into the middle of that.

Dec. 24 was another Christmas celebration. I wouldn't call this one so much a party. It was dinner at my parents house. We tried to watch Star*Dust, but with eating and opening present, it was not possible to pay attention to the movie. I really do want to watch that movie. I got such great gifts from my parents. New towels to match our "new" bathroom, new towels for the kitchen and gift cards for a night out with hubby, I am assuming that includes babysitting services too? We also opened gifts from my sister who lives in Seattle but sent gifts over with friends. (Thank you Ally and Paul for that!!) I got a book called "good dog. stay." and hubby got a gift card for tar*get. The kids got some clothes and of course toys from the grandparents. All in all this was a good night.

Dec 25. Christmas day.. Woke up and waited for the kids to wake up on their own. Sho-sho was the last one to wake. Cj came into my room and asked if they could just sort the presents. Uh no! I told them they needed to wait til Sho-sho was awake. So you know what he did? He went in to her room, stood at the foot of the bed and whispers her name several times until she opens her eyes and then he screams " She's awake!!!" I don't think she was to happy with this until she realized that we can open the presents that had been sitting there for sooo long. The kids really got way to much stuff. New star wars toys, video games, Cj got a fishing pole that of course D is angry about, and Sho-sho got many, many new babies. I got hubby some new cologne, a new bathrobe, and I made a photo album for him of the kids. I also made him one of his brother, but gave it to him several days before. I wasn't sure of what his reaction would have been to that, so I didn't want to give it to him on Christmas morning.

At Noon we headed to Hubby's dad's house. It was awkward b/c it was mostly the step family there. It was just us from his dad's side of the family. It was a nice party though. It was sad seeing Tallon there, he was Matt's dog and you could just see the sadness in his eyes. He just sat on the back porch like he was waiting for Matt to come back. I got a really nice throw blanket and Hubby got a tool set from his dad. The kids got more toys.

After this Christmas lunch, we went home and laid in bed. It was an exhausting Holiday and now that it was over, it was time to relax!! This year was so stressful, I actually got a little something for everyone and just to let you know how many people that is, I am going to tell you.
My husband has 3 brothers ,one is married, one has passed, 2 sisters, one is married, 3 step brothers, in which one is married, 2 step sisters whom are both married, 4 nieces, 2 step nieces and 6 step nephews. And then my side is 2 brothers and one sister whom is married and 1 nephew and 1 niece. Plus I have 2 mother-in-laws and a father- in law and my parents too. I was surprised that I got them all.

Well this post is getting long and I have to start getting busy here, so I will write about new years perhaps some time next week.

Another blow to our household...

Last Thursday, after me and the kids went caroling with other families from the school, we came home to hubby giving us the news that one of our neighbors had passed away on the previous Sunday. I thought " Sunday? That is not possible b/c Me and Sho-sho just talked to him on Monday." I know it was Monday b/c that day and Thursday were the only days I walked Sho-sho to the bus. And it being Thurs. I know I didn't talk to him that day. And the Thurs. and Fri. of the previous week, Cj and Sho-sho stayed home. Was it his spirit saying bye to me one last time? I mean I have heard of this happening to other people, but never thought it would ever happen to me. I know for a fact that I talked to him on Mon.

I thought for sure that the person that told him got the days mixed up but sure enough I found this yesterday morning in the paper.



PAYAN, Alexander Jr. "Chico"
(Age 69)
Passed away on Sunday, December 9, 2007. He was born March 3, 1938 in Los Angeles, CA. At the age of 17, Chico was faced with a career choice - military or penitentiary. He chose the U.S. Army. It was an awkward first step for a hero. He proudly served in Vietnam, where he earned two purple hearts, a bronze star and many other awards until his retirement in 1977. Chico met the love of his life, Irene Rowley, in 1983. He instantly obtained a family of four daughters. They enjoyed many happy years together until Irene's death in 2006. That's when a new chapter of Chico's life began. He purchased a motorcycle and rekindled a true passion he so loved. He joined the Combat Vets Association and instantly found respect and dignity. He leaves behind family, friends and a brotherhood who will honor the time spent together. He will be missed by those who knew him. A graveside service will be held on Wednesday, December 19, 2007 at 11 a.m. at Greenwood Memorial Terrace.



Chico was like the neighborhood Grandpa. He always had special bags put together for the kids at Halloween and Christmas. Always came and gave them cookies when they were playing outside. When I heard that he had passed, I just did not want to believe it. He was not sick. I don't know how he passed and I don't know who to ask.

My family will truly miss him. He was a great guy, but like most older people, annoying at times, but you just can't help but like him. Our walks to the bus will not be the same with out him there to say HI.

Going Private

OKay so I don't post on here to much, but when I was going through a difficult time with my husband and asked for advice, someone left very nasty words demeaning me. I don't want to read those sort of things, so I have decided to go private.

I know I dont have many readers, but for those of you who do, if you would like to continue reading, then please leave a comment with your email address so I can add you to my list.
I will have the comments moderated so no one else will see your email address. I will leave my blog open until the end of the year and then after that only the people on my list can read my posts.

Thank you

For anyone who reads this.

We got the autopsy results yesterday. Basically all the pain killers damaged his tissue in his heart and liver. He died from cardiac arrest and serosis of the liver. He was also being treated for pneumonia, I found out, and that was what he was at the hospital for the night before. They gave him a shot of something, Demerol? I don't remember, but yeah. Isn't it just crazy that he stopped using the drugs and that was what killed him? If he would have kept using them, he might still be here?

And also I thought for some reason that his birthday was on the 15th, but it is actually today. But I know something is on the 15th. But What?

Well that is all I have to say.

oh and hubby is doing better. He is still not doing much outside of work, but he is being nicer to me and the kids. I think I just became more understanding and something just clicked with both of us. It will take some time for us to make some sense out of all of this.

Family Skate Night

Trust me, at the beginning of the day I had absolutely no intentions of going to this.

Tuesday started out as a normal Tuesday. I got up, got the kids dressed, got them to school (minus Sho-sho), and then dropped Hubby off at work. Came home and started my normal morning cleaning. Chatted with my sister (via e-mail) , read her blog, looked at photos, and then went and took a shower. Got Sho-sho ready for school and then headed over there. I decided that I wanted to give CJ a Nebs. treatment before his field trip so I pulled him out of class and did that before lunch. After lunch, Sho-sho had to walk to the K-play area on her own. She is such a big girl and she did not have a problem with that. I had to be in CJ's classroom before 12:30 so I could help get the kids ready for the field trip. I had 5 kids in my group as opposed to the 4 that was recommended. I had good kids in my group, so it was no problem at all. And basically I just had to make sure they got on the bus and off the bus and back to the school.

Once we were at the museum, they all just spread like roaches in light. The adults mostly chatted with each other. I learned yesterday that CJ's teacher graduated from the IF clinic! I am so happy for her. I am glad that this time around she did not have to endure more than one IVF cycle. I just know the kind of pain that would be.

But back to the museum. Me and CJ's teacher, you know what we will call her J! So me and J were talking and found it funny how this "expert" (person who worked at the museum) acted as if she knew all these things about tarantula's. She was holding one and telling the kids that they do have fangs but they don't bite and they are not poisonous. UHHHH? We took the kids to the Port*land Zoo before the start of school and one of the things that we did learn about was tarantulas. They all are born with fangs and venom that can kill a human in as little as 20 minutes, so we were told. But all tarantulas that are sold in the US to Zoos, museums, pet stores, etc. are defanged and they have their venom glands removed. Also, no one in their right mind would have a spider in a children's museum that had fangs! So, she would not let the kids hold the spider, but they could touch it. She did, however, let them hold walking sticks. She has absolutely no common sense to let 6 year old hold an insect and walk around with them. And wouldn't you just know it!! It was one of the kids from my group that lost the walking stick. We looked for it for a bit, but all I can say is that it is her own dang fault for letting them hold it and not watching them with it. I mean, 6 year olds lose their shoes! Do you think they will not lose a walking stick??

So anyway, once we got back to the school, I saw one of my daughter's friends and she was trying to convince me to let Sneezer go to the skate night alone with her. I was not comfortable with this b/c she only lives with her Dad and I have never met her Dad before. So I called hubby and was going to take just the older two, but then he thought the little ones would not like that, so they all came. I was not going to skate, b/c let's face it, I am not as young as I want to be anymore. But CJ and Sho-sho were having troubles so I renting skates for myself and helped them. After about an hour (and completely wiping out a couple of times) I opted to quit and sat with mom's of Sneezer's friends. I woke up this morning with a very hurt knee. I don't remember hitting it, but it sure does hurt!!! Needless to say, next time I will be having their wheels tightened and sitting that one out!! But it was fun and it was nice to chat with the other moms.

Update on things.

Last week was a busy week, as I think this one will be too, but maybe not as much. Monday I got all my housework done early and decided to go to hubby's restaurant for some lunch. Plus I forgot to give him his bank card from the day before. Tuesday I was at the school and was talked into going on a field trip with my son's class. I thought maybe that I would have the day off b/c she didn't mention anything about the field trip before and I did not sign up, but she pulled the guilt trip on me and so now I am going to Mobius Kids with CJ's class tomorrow.

Wednesday was Halloween. A very busy day! I went to school with Sho-sho but ended up helping out in CJ's class. Oh Have I mentioned that CJ's teacher is pregnant with twins through IVF? I feel like I was meant to meet her so I could experience her pregnancy with her in a way that I couldn't with my sister. I read updates on my sister through her blog and with CJ's teacher, I can see things first hand. You know? Well after school we came home and got the older kids costumes on and then headed downtown to get a bite to eat at Rocky's and then to River Pa*rk square for some indoor trick or treating. After meeting up with hubby, we headed home to empty bags and start over at North*town. Before leaving I got a phone call from my mom saying that my dad, for his birthday which is on the 1st, bought himself a 2008 Maz*da Mia*ta. Silly guy!

Thursday was a quiet day. Hubby went out that night to play poker and I stay with the kids, as usual!! (When is my night to go out?) We made the mistake of eating McBarfo's and yes I got food poisoning. I woke up about 4:30 Friday morning and was puking andhad diarrhea and felt as though someone was punching me in the gut all day. Needless to say I will NOT be eating there ever again. I was trying not to eat there anymore anyway, b/c let's face it, the food really is not that good and it is soo bad for you. Blah!

So Friday, Sho-sho stayed home with me, as I was not able to get out of bed to take her to school. And I was waiting all day for hubby to get home. Now here is where I need some help from someone. My husband called often during the day to check up on me and see how things were going. He told me early in the morning that he had alot of things to do at work and then he would be going to the store to pick up some things. I told him that was okay. When he called me in the afternoon, I had stopped vomiting, but the other thing was still going on. I should just point out here that I am not a believer in taking pep*to or any upset stomach remedies. I feel that when your body does certain things, like diarrhea, it is something that you just need to let your body do. It is fighting something and you should let it, you know? So anyway, here is the issue. My husband called to see how things were doing about 7:30 that night and I told him that I was doing better, but I was starting to get a little hungry and the water was just blah and I wanted something with a little more flavor. So I asked him to get some saltine crackers and ginger ale for me. He said that he was just leaving work to head to the store. When 9 o'clock rolled around I called wondering where he was.

No answer. (sometimes, in certain stores, the cell phone doesn't ring) So I tried again. No answer. Hmmmm? After several times of calling I called from my cell phone and then he called me back. Apparently the cell phone ring is louder than the home phone ring. So I answer my cell phone and I hear a bunch of ruckus in the background and I say " that doesn't sound like the store?" and he said that it wasn'tand that he was at a bar with some old friends that he had plans to meet up with them since the day before. But just kept telling me all day that he was going to the store. Then I asked him why he was at the bar and he said, in a drunken response, that his brother was dead. I started to cry. did it not matter that I was home sick? Was it more important for him to get drunk to remember his brother who passed 2 weeks ago? Am I being selfish? I don't think I am.
So anyway, he hangs up on me and I call back. each time only getting a few words in and then he hangs up. finally, the last time I talk to him I say , " You know I promised your dad that I would take care of you always, but if you are going to continue grieving like this, I think I am going to have to file for divorce." He hung up on me. He called back some time later and told me to never threaten him again. Anyway, The night went on with him saying hurtful things to me that he did not recall in the morning. I am so pissed at the way he has been treating me since his brother passed. I was there for him when he needed to cry and anything that he needed the first few days, but then after that he just treated me like complete shit. Not letting me help and not talking to me. And another things, he makes the money and I usually have very little and buy what I can with it, but we had no food in the house at all last week. We ate out alot and he has had other things to do rather than provide for our family. So my question and the thing I need help with is, Is this just a phase of grieving that he is going through? Should I put up with this? I am so mad and Friday was just the final straw. I was crying all Friday night and then Saturday my sadness turned to anger and I just did not even want to look at him. Then Saturday evening he tried to turn the table and act like he was the one that was mad at me. I am pissed and I don't want to take it anymore. I love my husband, I just don't like the way he is treating me and I just want an apology from him or an acknowledgement that he has done me wrong, but he won't do it. I have no more empathy for him when he is treating me like I don't matter and in fact told me that while he was drunk. He told me that I don't matter and that the only thing that mattered was his brother's being. Whatever that means.

I just don't know what to do here. Anybody?


Update: So I went down to hubby's work and we talked. I told him how I felt and how it hurt me and that was why I couldn't be empathetic towards him b/c I felt like his servant and not his spouse. He made acknowledgements on how he could have done things differently and I think I am okay with some things. I think thigs are going to be okay from now on, but we'll see?

The end of a long week.

Yesterday I was just so tired. I got the kids to school and came home and was just cleaning the kitchen. Cleaning seems to be something that I do when I want to think. Plus Hubby had left coffee grounds on the counter the day before. I just haven't cleaned much lately so I did a lot yesterday. After I got done cleaning I came onto the computer and found myself just staring at it. I don't know what I was waiting for. Last Friday, after we got the news, My hubby came onto the computer and asked Matt for a sign that he was still here with us and the computer did the strangest thing. He turned it on and it was starting to go to the main screen and then suddenly went black. A small dot was starting in the middle of the screen and just grew bigger until the whole screen was white with these colored streaks going down it. I watched this and was telling my husband that it had never down that before. The computer has not done that since either.

On Sunday, I was cleaning the house a bit and putting clothes away when this musky smell came around my husband. I asking him if he was sweating and he said no. There was this smell that was like the leather on a tool belt mix with sweat. I just don't know how else to describe it, but it was not my husband smell. And the smell was only around my husband. It was Matt that was here checking in on his big brother.

Guilt set in on Wednesday. I was so angry at myself for not letting my kids be closer to him. Not that I was keeping him away, we were just all too busy all the time, you know? We saw him every Easter and every Christmas and sometimes at other times during the year. I was so mad the past few days and I can't explain why. I just hate myself for not being there the way my husband needs me. I am just so selfish right now and I can't stop. For example, last night there was a pumpkin carving party at the kids school and my husband said that he was going to go with us and then at the very last minute, he decided that he just couldn't go. So I got it and I let him stay home. But then this morning he got up and went to work. Why is he shutting his family out and spending time with people at work? Even on Monday, when the family got together to make the arrangements, he got comfort from one of his co-workers and just treated me like crap. Like I was his servant and not his wife. God I am such a bitch for feeling this way and now I know why his family doesn't like me and why Matthew hardly ever came around our house. Who would want to be around a bitch like me?

Yesterday, after I dropped Sho-sho off at school, I came home and just slept. We were suppose to go to the store and get other things done during this time, but I think the nap was just what we both needed. I just feel so tired all the time. I sleep all night and wake up about 6:30 or so. But I just feel so tired. And my body aches everywhere. My lower back more than anything. The other night, Tuesday I think, I got a charlie horse in the middle of the night and now my foot and leg just hurts all the time.

well I think that is enough ramblings for now. I think Hubby might go to his dad's to help them go through more of Matt things this weekend. Basically it is a "take what you want of his, we don't know what to do with it" kind of thing. We have a few of his things and I think the kids would love to have a few of his shirts to maybe sleep in at night.