Nothin left to loose

OK this was taken from Seattlegal and sounded like fun. I have done one before on another blog that did songs for the story of your life, but here is one that is a little different.

Directions:1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, iPod etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS


1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? 1985- Bowling for soup

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF? Suddenly- Ashley Tisdale

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? Ice Ice baby - Vanila Ice

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Fat bottomed girls - Queen

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? Stand By me - Ben E. King

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?Calling all angels - Train

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Thriller - Michael Jackson

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Kickstart my heart - Motley crue

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Someday - Nickelback

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2? Trouble - Pink

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR EX? Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Why?- Gabrielle

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? What a wonderful world - Louis Armstrong

14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? This ain't a scene, it's an arms race - Fallout Boy

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Broken - Seether feat. Amy Lee

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? SEXYBACK - Justin Timberlake ;P

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? New Slang - The Shins

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? In The End - Linkin Park

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Lonely - Akon

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? True friend - Hannah Montana

Now press Next one more time and use it as your title.

Title song by Matt Kearney


Suprisingly I did this exactly as directed and this was the results. Some of the songs are sneezers. ( we share the itunes)

Christmas break

Christmas break started on Dec. 19th. On Dec. 20th we went to our first Christmas party for this year. This was a white elephant party that was so much fun. Sneezer left with a Chia* pet and Hubby got a gift card to star*bucks. I left with a gift that I brought, but seeing how we brought 3, and there was only 8 people, I guess that was bound to happen. I brought a handheld digital poker game.

Dec. 22 was our second Christmas party. It was at my grandmother in law's house. This party is a big thing every year. Cousins, along with all of hubby's siblings, are there. There were a few emotional times when we realized that Matthew was not coming. He always showed up late, so we just ate our dinner and usually when we are done eating is when he shows up. But he was not there this year. One of my nieces fell down and hurt her ear badly. It was not too bad, but when you are 11, it is painful. Another niece made and comment, " something was bound to happen!" she is 7. I chuckle a little that such grown up words were coming out of her mouth, but the mother and the mother's sister got into an argument on how inappropriate it was for her to say it. I left that conversation quickly. I did not need to get into the middle of that.

Dec. 24 was another Christmas celebration. I wouldn't call this one so much a party. It was dinner at my parents house. We tried to watch Star*Dust, but with eating and opening present, it was not possible to pay attention to the movie. I really do want to watch that movie. I got such great gifts from my parents. New towels to match our "new" bathroom, new towels for the kitchen and gift cards for a night out with hubby, I am assuming that includes babysitting services too? We also opened gifts from my sister who lives in Seattle but sent gifts over with friends. (Thank you Ally and Paul for that!!) I got a book called "good dog. stay." and hubby got a gift card for tar*get. The kids got some clothes and of course toys from the grandparents. All in all this was a good night.

Dec 25. Christmas day.. Woke up and waited for the kids to wake up on their own. Sho-sho was the last one to wake. Cj came into my room and asked if they could just sort the presents. Uh no! I told them they needed to wait til Sho-sho was awake. So you know what he did? He went in to her room, stood at the foot of the bed and whispers her name several times until she opens her eyes and then he screams " She's awake!!!" I don't think she was to happy with this until she realized that we can open the presents that had been sitting there for sooo long. The kids really got way to much stuff. New star wars toys, video games, Cj got a fishing pole that of course D is angry about, and Sho-sho got many, many new babies. I got hubby some new cologne, a new bathrobe, and I made a photo album for him of the kids. I also made him one of his brother, but gave it to him several days before. I wasn't sure of what his reaction would have been to that, so I didn't want to give it to him on Christmas morning.

At Noon we headed to Hubby's dad's house. It was awkward b/c it was mostly the step family there. It was just us from his dad's side of the family. It was a nice party though. It was sad seeing Tallon there, he was Matt's dog and you could just see the sadness in his eyes. He just sat on the back porch like he was waiting for Matt to come back. I got a really nice throw blanket and Hubby got a tool set from his dad. The kids got more toys.

After this Christmas lunch, we went home and laid in bed. It was an exhausting Holiday and now that it was over, it was time to relax!! This year was so stressful, I actually got a little something for everyone and just to let you know how many people that is, I am going to tell you.
My husband has 3 brothers ,one is married, one has passed, 2 sisters, one is married, 3 step brothers, in which one is married, 2 step sisters whom are both married, 4 nieces, 2 step nieces and 6 step nephews. And then my side is 2 brothers and one sister whom is married and 1 nephew and 1 niece. Plus I have 2 mother-in-laws and a father- in law and my parents too. I was surprised that I got them all.

Well this post is getting long and I have to start getting busy here, so I will write about new years perhaps some time next week.

Another blow to our household...

Last Thursday, after me and the kids went caroling with other families from the school, we came home to hubby giving us the news that one of our neighbors had passed away on the previous Sunday. I thought " Sunday? That is not possible b/c Me and Sho-sho just talked to him on Monday." I know it was Monday b/c that day and Thursday were the only days I walked Sho-sho to the bus. And it being Thurs. I know I didn't talk to him that day. And the Thurs. and Fri. of the previous week, Cj and Sho-sho stayed home. Was it his spirit saying bye to me one last time? I mean I have heard of this happening to other people, but never thought it would ever happen to me. I know for a fact that I talked to him on Mon.

I thought for sure that the person that told him got the days mixed up but sure enough I found this yesterday morning in the paper.



PAYAN, Alexander Jr. "Chico"
(Age 69)
Passed away on Sunday, December 9, 2007. He was born March 3, 1938 in Los Angeles, CA. At the age of 17, Chico was faced with a career choice - military or penitentiary. He chose the U.S. Army. It was an awkward first step for a hero. He proudly served in Vietnam, where he earned two purple hearts, a bronze star and many other awards until his retirement in 1977. Chico met the love of his life, Irene Rowley, in 1983. He instantly obtained a family of four daughters. They enjoyed many happy years together until Irene's death in 2006. That's when a new chapter of Chico's life began. He purchased a motorcycle and rekindled a true passion he so loved. He joined the Combat Vets Association and instantly found respect and dignity. He leaves behind family, friends and a brotherhood who will honor the time spent together. He will be missed by those who knew him. A graveside service will be held on Wednesday, December 19, 2007 at 11 a.m. at Greenwood Memorial Terrace.



Chico was like the neighborhood Grandpa. He always had special bags put together for the kids at Halloween and Christmas. Always came and gave them cookies when they were playing outside. When I heard that he had passed, I just did not want to believe it. He was not sick. I don't know how he passed and I don't know who to ask.

My family will truly miss him. He was a great guy, but like most older people, annoying at times, but you just can't help but like him. Our walks to the bus will not be the same with out him there to say HI.

Going Private

OKay so I don't post on here to much, but when I was going through a difficult time with my husband and asked for advice, someone left very nasty words demeaning me. I don't want to read those sort of things, so I have decided to go private.

I know I dont have many readers, but for those of you who do, if you would like to continue reading, then please leave a comment with your email address so I can add you to my list.
I will have the comments moderated so no one else will see your email address. I will leave my blog open until the end of the year and then after that only the people on my list can read my posts.

Thank you

For anyone who reads this.

We got the autopsy results yesterday. Basically all the pain killers damaged his tissue in his heart and liver. He died from cardiac arrest and serosis of the liver. He was also being treated for pneumonia, I found out, and that was what he was at the hospital for the night before. They gave him a shot of something, Demerol? I don't remember, but yeah. Isn't it just crazy that he stopped using the drugs and that was what killed him? If he would have kept using them, he might still be here?

And also I thought for some reason that his birthday was on the 15th, but it is actually today. But I know something is on the 15th. But What?

Well that is all I have to say.

oh and hubby is doing better. He is still not doing much outside of work, but he is being nicer to me and the kids. I think I just became more understanding and something just clicked with both of us. It will take some time for us to make some sense out of all of this.

Family Skate Night

Trust me, at the beginning of the day I had absolutely no intentions of going to this.

Tuesday started out as a normal Tuesday. I got up, got the kids dressed, got them to school (minus Sho-sho), and then dropped Hubby off at work. Came home and started my normal morning cleaning. Chatted with my sister (via e-mail) , read her blog, looked at photos, and then went and took a shower. Got Sho-sho ready for school and then headed over there. I decided that I wanted to give CJ a Nebs. treatment before his field trip so I pulled him out of class and did that before lunch. After lunch, Sho-sho had to walk to the K-play area on her own. She is such a big girl and she did not have a problem with that. I had to be in CJ's classroom before 12:30 so I could help get the kids ready for the field trip. I had 5 kids in my group as opposed to the 4 that was recommended. I had good kids in my group, so it was no problem at all. And basically I just had to make sure they got on the bus and off the bus and back to the school.

Once we were at the museum, they all just spread like roaches in light. The adults mostly chatted with each other. I learned yesterday that CJ's teacher graduated from the IF clinic! I am so happy for her. I am glad that this time around she did not have to endure more than one IVF cycle. I just know the kind of pain that would be.

But back to the museum. Me and CJ's teacher, you know what we will call her J! So me and J were talking and found it funny how this "expert" (person who worked at the museum) acted as if she knew all these things about tarantula's. She was holding one and telling the kids that they do have fangs but they don't bite and they are not poisonous. UHHHH? We took the kids to the Port*land Zoo before the start of school and one of the things that we did learn about was tarantulas. They all are born with fangs and venom that can kill a human in as little as 20 minutes, so we were told. But all tarantulas that are sold in the US to Zoos, museums, pet stores, etc. are defanged and they have their venom glands removed. Also, no one in their right mind would have a spider in a children's museum that had fangs! So, she would not let the kids hold the spider, but they could touch it. She did, however, let them hold walking sticks. She has absolutely no common sense to let 6 year old hold an insect and walk around with them. And wouldn't you just know it!! It was one of the kids from my group that lost the walking stick. We looked for it for a bit, but all I can say is that it is her own dang fault for letting them hold it and not watching them with it. I mean, 6 year olds lose their shoes! Do you think they will not lose a walking stick??

So anyway, once we got back to the school, I saw one of my daughter's friends and she was trying to convince me to let Sneezer go to the skate night alone with her. I was not comfortable with this b/c she only lives with her Dad and I have never met her Dad before. So I called hubby and was going to take just the older two, but then he thought the little ones would not like that, so they all came. I was not going to skate, b/c let's face it, I am not as young as I want to be anymore. But CJ and Sho-sho were having troubles so I renting skates for myself and helped them. After about an hour (and completely wiping out a couple of times) I opted to quit and sat with mom's of Sneezer's friends. I woke up this morning with a very hurt knee. I don't remember hitting it, but it sure does hurt!!! Needless to say, next time I will be having their wheels tightened and sitting that one out!! But it was fun and it was nice to chat with the other moms.

Update on things.

Last week was a busy week, as I think this one will be too, but maybe not as much. Monday I got all my housework done early and decided to go to hubby's restaurant for some lunch. Plus I forgot to give him his bank card from the day before. Tuesday I was at the school and was talked into going on a field trip with my son's class. I thought maybe that I would have the day off b/c she didn't mention anything about the field trip before and I did not sign up, but she pulled the guilt trip on me and so now I am going to Mobius Kids with CJ's class tomorrow.

Wednesday was Halloween. A very busy day! I went to school with Sho-sho but ended up helping out in CJ's class. Oh Have I mentioned that CJ's teacher is pregnant with twins through IVF? I feel like I was meant to meet her so I could experience her pregnancy with her in a way that I couldn't with my sister. I read updates on my sister through her blog and with CJ's teacher, I can see things first hand. You know? Well after school we came home and got the older kids costumes on and then headed downtown to get a bite to eat at Rocky's and then to River Pa*rk square for some indoor trick or treating. After meeting up with hubby, we headed home to empty bags and start over at North*town. Before leaving I got a phone call from my mom saying that my dad, for his birthday which is on the 1st, bought himself a 2008 Maz*da Mia*ta. Silly guy!

Thursday was a quiet day. Hubby went out that night to play poker and I stay with the kids, as usual!! (When is my night to go out?) We made the mistake of eating McBarfo's and yes I got food poisoning. I woke up about 4:30 Friday morning and was puking andhad diarrhea and felt as though someone was punching me in the gut all day. Needless to say I will NOT be eating there ever again. I was trying not to eat there anymore anyway, b/c let's face it, the food really is not that good and it is soo bad for you. Blah!

So Friday, Sho-sho stayed home with me, as I was not able to get out of bed to take her to school. And I was waiting all day for hubby to get home. Now here is where I need some help from someone. My husband called often during the day to check up on me and see how things were going. He told me early in the morning that he had alot of things to do at work and then he would be going to the store to pick up some things. I told him that was okay. When he called me in the afternoon, I had stopped vomiting, but the other thing was still going on. I should just point out here that I am not a believer in taking pep*to or any upset stomach remedies. I feel that when your body does certain things, like diarrhea, it is something that you just need to let your body do. It is fighting something and you should let it, you know? So anyway, here is the issue. My husband called to see how things were doing about 7:30 that night and I told him that I was doing better, but I was starting to get a little hungry and the water was just blah and I wanted something with a little more flavor. So I asked him to get some saltine crackers and ginger ale for me. He said that he was just leaving work to head to the store. When 9 o'clock rolled around I called wondering where he was.

No answer. (sometimes, in certain stores, the cell phone doesn't ring) So I tried again. No answer. Hmmmm? After several times of calling I called from my cell phone and then he called me back. Apparently the cell phone ring is louder than the home phone ring. So I answer my cell phone and I hear a bunch of ruckus in the background and I say " that doesn't sound like the store?" and he said that it wasn'tand that he was at a bar with some old friends that he had plans to meet up with them since the day before. But just kept telling me all day that he was going to the store. Then I asked him why he was at the bar and he said, in a drunken response, that his brother was dead. I started to cry. did it not matter that I was home sick? Was it more important for him to get drunk to remember his brother who passed 2 weeks ago? Am I being selfish? I don't think I am.
So anyway, he hangs up on me and I call back. each time only getting a few words in and then he hangs up. finally, the last time I talk to him I say , " You know I promised your dad that I would take care of you always, but if you are going to continue grieving like this, I think I am going to have to file for divorce." He hung up on me. He called back some time later and told me to never threaten him again. Anyway, The night went on with him saying hurtful things to me that he did not recall in the morning. I am so pissed at the way he has been treating me since his brother passed. I was there for him when he needed to cry and anything that he needed the first few days, but then after that he just treated me like complete shit. Not letting me help and not talking to me. And another things, he makes the money and I usually have very little and buy what I can with it, but we had no food in the house at all last week. We ate out alot and he has had other things to do rather than provide for our family. So my question and the thing I need help with is, Is this just a phase of grieving that he is going through? Should I put up with this? I am so mad and Friday was just the final straw. I was crying all Friday night and then Saturday my sadness turned to anger and I just did not even want to look at him. Then Saturday evening he tried to turn the table and act like he was the one that was mad at me. I am pissed and I don't want to take it anymore. I love my husband, I just don't like the way he is treating me and I just want an apology from him or an acknowledgement that he has done me wrong, but he won't do it. I have no more empathy for him when he is treating me like I don't matter and in fact told me that while he was drunk. He told me that I don't matter and that the only thing that mattered was his brother's being. Whatever that means.

I just don't know what to do here. Anybody?


Update: So I went down to hubby's work and we talked. I told him how I felt and how it hurt me and that was why I couldn't be empathetic towards him b/c I felt like his servant and not his spouse. He made acknowledgements on how he could have done things differently and I think I am okay with some things. I think thigs are going to be okay from now on, but we'll see?