A long day/ the biopsy.

This day started out like every other weekday except for this time I was the one taking the kids to school. I woke up and got the kids ready for school. CJ was so cute, when I got my coat on he says " I wanna go!". He must have thought that it was the weekend b/c daddy was not getting ready for work? So after getting the three older ones to school I came home and it felt weird b/c usually when I take someone to school, (Sneezer) there are 2 boys still sleeping here. But it was just me and Hubby while Sho-sho was still sleeping. It was very quiet. So I got out my knitting stuff and started making that little sweater for Vader. After a while my hands started falling asleep, so I went in a took a shower.(Found out later that my sister called while I was in the shower.) When I got out of the shower, I continued working on the doggy sweater and then the girl up the street called. She was saying that she had found some lumps in her breast and wanted to know if I would come down and feel them to see if they feel like mine. I then explained to her that I could not feel mine and what I am getting a biopsy on is something that they found with the mammogram, so I would not know what to feel for on her. She said that she has gone to her reg. doc. and he has felt them, but is deciding on what to do. I got off the phone with her and told my husband how she was asking me to come down and feel her lumps in her boobs. My husband quickly volunteered for that job! I was not comfortable with feeling someone else's boobs.

Now it was time to get CJ. So I went and picked him up and came back home and ate some lunch. And then as I am leaving, my husband says " oh yeah, your sister called while you were in the shower." I shut the door and then open it again and say " that was 2 1/2 hours ago and your telling me now?" He said he forgot. hmmmm?

The drive to the hospital I was holding back tears. I was so scared. What was going to happen? Will it hurt? Will I pass out? I get the hospital with my mind going in every direction. ( Did I lock the car? Did I park straight? Do I have my keys?) I get up to the receptionist and there is not wait, I tell the lady my name and she asks a few questions to verify things and then tells me to proceed to downstairs. I get down there, tell the other lady my name and she tells me to take a seat. I read some very interesting articles, (ha) none that I can remember but one. They have discovered that the abortion pill, that has anti-progesterone in it, can actually reduce the gene that causes breast cancer.( according to studies on lab rats.) How ironic, the pill used to kill babies can save a life from from breast cancer prevention.

So now people are being called back left and right and then I sense the eerie silence. I was the only one in this waiting room. Not even the receptionist was there. WTH? its like " why was I picked last?" but then someone comes down the stairs and I am not alone again. Then the lady comes out (Maureen) and calls my name. (Finally?) She leads me back to the room that I was in, just 10 days before, with the previous ultrasound. Maureen goes over the procedure, they are going to have the sonogram to look in to where they are going and then the doctor is going to put an guider needle in for the needle that they are going to use to extract the masses. Then she explains to me that they had found 3 liquid masses surrounding a solid mass. ( What? that is not what they told me last time?) So I suddenly feel woozy. Before I was thinking this was nothing b/c no one told me about the solid mass, but now it is something different and I am worrying more. Then she goes on to tell me that the needle extracting the masses will make a loud clicking noise, like a cap gun going off. ( Oh that is comforting)And that because the "cysts" are so small they have to leave a little chip in its place for marker, for future reference. So then she asks me to undress, waist up and put the gown on, opening in front. (okey dokey) So I undress and sit up on the table and wait. She comes back in a few minutes later and starts taking pictures of my boob with the sonogram, I asked her if they had changed any and she says " not really." In a "kind of, but I am not at liberty to tell you that" sort of way. I could tell that they had gotten bigger, not by much, but now there was a visible white area in the middle. I did not see that last time. Then she gets up to go and show the pictures to the doctor to see if those were good. And then she comes back in with the doctor and he asks if Maureen has gone over the procedure with me. and I say "yes." And he says " and your still here?" and right before he said that I was desperately wanting to get up and run out of the room saying I changed my mind. I don't want the freaking needle gun in my boob. But then he cleans off the area and pokes me with a little needle and then suddenly I can see the needle on the sonogram, but I could not feel a darn thing. That is the weirdest feeling not being able to feel your boob. So then he puts the Guider needle in place (no biggie) and then he puts the extractor needle in and *snap* the first mass is sucked out. Maureen asks me how I am doing and then re-adjusts the sonogram. Then he insert the extractor needle again and *snap* the second mass is taken out. Maureen again asks how I am doing and I tell her that it is starting to burn a little. The Doc. tells me that he just needs to do one more and Maureen agrees that one more should do it. So then again, needle in,*snap*, third mass out. Maureen adjusts the sonogram and sees that all he masses are out. So now the Doc. removes the needles, but the burning feeling is still there, why? B/c Maureen was pushing down with the sonogram wand thingy. Now they just needed to insert this small titanium chip to mark where they took the masses out. Then they were done. Maureen cleaned off the area and then put on a bandage thingy and sent me down to get a mammogram. Then I came back to the sonogram room and put my bra on and she fitted a ice pack onto my boob and I put my shirt on and then I was outta there. Before I left, she gave me an angel pin, saying that everyone who has a biopsy gets one. So now I have a scar, a chip, and an angel pin to remind me of this day!

Got home and just wanted to sleep. So I laid down for a bit and then came in to check my e-mail. Wrote my sister and others to tell them all went well and I will know something by Monday afternoon. (probably the only time I am looking forward to Monday.)
Shortly after that, Sneezer and Da got home from school. They went in to my room and did their home work and Hubby took Sho-sho and CJ to the store so we could have quiet. I Helped Da with his homework and for the first time in a long time I had my two older kids sitting on my lap. weird?

Then hubby came back home with McBarfo's and then me, Da, and Sneezer went to Sneezer's chorale concert. I wanted to sleep so bad, but I stayed awake for it and then came home and went to sleep. I think I am going to lay down now. Sleeping with bra on is something I will not recommend. I am suppose to wear a bra to bed for the next 2-3 nights. JOY! maybe I will try that sports bra tonight, If I can still fit into it?

the mammogram

Why is it hard to find anything on this? I know that they are out there. Has anyone blogged about this or I am just younger than most? I don't know if it is cancer yet. Hell I don't know what it is. It is just this lump that has been there for the last year and half, unchanged and painless. why the hell did they have to schedule it so far away. Now I have to sit here and wait until the 27th to know anything. These are my thoughts earlier with my sister.....

waiting is hard. and I have gone to several websites. googling any possibilities and that just freaks me out more. I just have to remember that black is good, white is bad. that is if I have to get a ultrasound. Mom said that if I do have to get an ultrasound that they will do it the same day but otherwise they won't let me see anything? hmm. I am freaking out and rechecking my breast everyday, hoping that maybe it will go away.


The other things I worry about, what if it is cancer? what if I do have to take chemo? my hair. where can I get a wig made from my hair? how will I get CJ from the bus stop? how will I take care of my kids? who could help me out? my husband will have to work so he can't stay home with me.

sometimes it feels like I am living my life faster than I am suppose to. you know? kid at 19, kidney stones, dysplasia, tubes tied, and now this. I should be in my 40's before I worry about this stuff! you know?

These were my thoughts today, hell these are my thought everyday. every thing I look at or read about cysts being accompanied by pain, is just not happening with me. It doesn't move and it hasn't changed, except for that there are more now. That is the only sign that I have read that indicates a cyst. I need to find some one to talk to that is my same age or around it and is/has gone through the same thing. I cannot wait 2 more weeks!!!! How can I get through this next two week without really freaking out? UGH!!!

My doctor appt.

Yesterday I went to go to see the doctor about some discomfort I was having. It turned out to be just a Yeast infection, but I was freaking out b/c earlier this week I Googled my symptoms and got completely freaked out at some of the possibilties. But thankfully it is just a yeast infection.

So about a year and half ago, I went in for my last pap and discuss with the doctor my concerns about a lump that I found. He wasn't able to feel it, but b/c I was about to start my period he suggested that I came back after my period was over and we check again 'together'. So I schedule the appt. for about 3 weeks later, but in those 3 weeks, my mother found a lump in her breast and it turned out to be cancer. I completely freaked and decided not to go to my follow up appt. I guess I just didn't want to worry my mom when she was already going through something tough herself. So now that my mother is in remission, I decided that I would bring up my concerns at my appt. yesterday. He felt the lump, along with 2 other ones. I know that I should have gone for the follow up way back when, but I just felt that it was time now. I guess I just needed time to prepare myself for what ever, and also shortly after that I almost had my kidney rupture and was on alot of meds. for that, so I didn't really want to worry about anything else. Anything else that would cause me discomfort.

So my appt. for the mammogram is on the 27th of this month. I am having my mom come with me. Mostly to watch Sho-sho, but I guess also for support. I told her last night what the mammogram was for, but it didn't seem to phase her. She just wanted to get her paperwork done for work. The doctor said that considering my age and the fact that I have some tenderness, that it is more than likely some cysts. My husband thinks that it is nothing. He says " How unheard of is it for a 30 year old to have breast cancer?" Not unheard of at all. I mean I heard the same exact thing 5 years ago with my son. " Oh it sounds like kidney stones, but it couldn't be. He's only 4." But 5 years later he is still seeing a kidney specialists. He had so many stones that the last one was removed about 2 years ago and he has had a clear bill of health since then. *knock on wood* But the point I am trying to make is that these things do not discriminate by age.

I am somewhat concerned about this, but then again, like I said, I have had time to prepare myself. I have seen the possible outcomes. I have known that this lump was there and just told people that it went away b/c I didn't want the fuss. I don't want a fuss know and was actually conteplating not telling my husband or anyone. But then I needed a babysitter to watch Sho-sho and depending on how long it takes, to be here for CJ when he got out of school. I won't start freaking out completely until I hear "biopsy". If I don't hear that, then all is good.

So I was extremely tired last night. I wanted to go to sleep so badly, but there was a Spongebob marathon on that started at 8pm last night and goes until 7:30pm tonight. Sho-sho's favorite show is Spongebob, so she would not go to sleep and was actually singing along with the theme, while I was trying to sleep. *singing* "bob bob pear pants." it was cute, but hey she is only 4 so she tries to get the words!! So I woke up several times last night and could not get to sleep. Mostly b/c of the meds. I am on made my stomach hurt.

Oh my neighbor came down last night. I would call her my friend, but she only seems to talk to me when she needs something. Never to just talk. And when I call her, she always seems to have to go and do something w/ her daughter. Although I see her talking on her phone all the time?? I mean she just got married last month and she didn't even invite me. hmmm? But anyway, I told her that my sister is finally pregnant and that the IVF did work. She told me to tell her when I was going to send her a care package and that she would send something too so that we didn't have to pay shipping twice. You know I didn't even think of that. I mean I was wanting to get her a gift, but I didn't know what yet. I was going to wait until after she had her ultrasound til I decided on what to send. But I felt bad for telling her and maybe that was wh yshe got off the phone with me quickly. Oh she came down here to ask about my neighbor b/c I guess someone that was visiting there was priorly doing doughnuts in the intersection and came close to hitting her car. So anyway, forgetting to tell her about my sister, I called her. So this is why I think she got off the phone with me. She has had 2 babies. Her first was when she was only 16 or so and her other one is two. The older one was adopted by its biological granparents. Upon trying to have a baby with her current husband, she had experienced many miscarriages. She finally became pregnant with her daughter 3 years ago and after she was a year or so old, was trying again for a sibling for her daughter, only to have miscarriages month after month. She finally decided that the losses were to painful and decided to have her tubes tied to prevent any further miscarriages. So althought she is happy for my sister, I think a part of her is sad b/c she does want to have more but can't.

well anyway, that is an update of my day yesterday. fun huh?